In The Desert

Originally posted May 2019.

So I haven’t traveled anywhere in a minute. At first I blamed life circumstances for that. But at the end of the day, life is just mind over matter. And I’m really trying to mentally get over myself and make things happen especially when people let me down. I’ve been working on my photography and videography skills which has been helpful. It keeps my mind focused and creativity challenged. Through this new venture, I even found a group of creative women that has ended up being a source of support and motivation. 

We recently went on a mini trip to the west coast of Michigan to take some test photos for a project we’re working on. Last summer, I went to Saugatuck, a beautiful little town with dunes overlooking Lake Michigan. This time I ended up at Silver Lake. We specifically went to catch the sunset on Lake Michigan from the sand dunes. Oh my goodness, the sand dunes!!!! They are a natural wonder to me. I felt like I was in the middle of a desert as I walked through the high hills and valleys of sand. 

The winds were unfriendly. They were great for picture and video purposes but oh so painful on my skin! I felt like I was being shot at with tiny needles. But when the wind calmed down, the peace I felt was like no other. 

In one moment I was in the middle of nothingness. The next moment, I could see the gorgeous and seemingly boundless Lake Michigan.  Once again, I attempted to catch the sunset on the lake. Once again, like last year, the sun was hidden behind the clouds as it disappeared into the water. The whole experience was a metaphor of my life.

Let’s cut to the chase, life has been hard. I honestly wish I could go into the future to make sure that things turn out well and that I’m happy. Like genuinely happy. Scrolling through Instagram I see people posting about their opportunities and achievements, and I can’t help but wonder why is it difficult for me to accomplish things that seem like an “easy” check on life’s generic to-do list?  Why do I frequently find myself in deserts and valleys? I’m actually tired of having to find the oasis and lilies. I’m tired of having to see my glass half full even when I feel like I’m empty. Like God, I know you’re teaching me to be patient but when will it be my turn? What’s worse is that I hate that I feel this way because God has been faithful and provided for me. I just didn’t think I’d still be wandering at this point of my life. But thank God for His promises on which I can hold on to.

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