The United States of an African

Relationships are a sensitive subject for me. I find relationships to be extremely important in my life. When it comes to family, they pretty much are my lifeline. As far as romantic relationships, I’ve only had one boyfriend in my adult life. It technically only lasted a couple months. But we had a complicated friendship that lasted about 3 years. The demise of that friendship was painful. I considered him to be one of my best friends. I didn’t want it to end, but it wasn’t up to me. I felt dumped. It’s not the first time a friend decided they didn’t want to be friends anymore. It definitely puts a dent in my esteem. It makes me question what I did wrong and what I could’ve done better. But the fact is that in my experience friendships are fickle. So I tend to not get close or open up to most people. In fact, once I sense any drama I begin to distance myself in a bid to protect myself from hurt. So in the rare moments that I do open up to a person, I consider it divine intervention.

As you may know, while here in Atlanta, I’ve been doing some local exploration. My brother told me about this hidden bamboo forest on the banks of the Chattahoochee River in Sandy Springs. So when one of my friends from Detroit told me she was coming down for a couple days, I knew she would be the person to go on this exploration with. She’s a photographer and has YouTube channel where she documents her weight loss journey. But she is more importantly one of those divine friends. In fact, the first time we hung out by ourselves, I emptied out my entire heart to her. At that point she was still somewhat a stranger. So of course it made sense that while on this 3-4 mile hike to the bamboo forest, we would have talks. With the pandemic in the background it had been three months since we last hung out and a lot has happened. Unfortunately, I didn’t get to talk as much as I wanted to. Her brother and her brother’s cute friend also came along on the hike…I lose my capability of mature speech when I’m around a man I am physically attracted to.

As we hiked the East Palisades Unit Indian Trail we talked about boys, travel, weddings, photography, weight loss and exercise, friendships, racism (more on this on the next blog post), and Jesus. It was therapeutic and healing. You know how some people treat a church building as a spiritual sanctuary? That’s how I see nature. With everything going on in America, nature has become my place of refuge. It now totally makes sense why I’ve been enjoying growing and tending my mum’s flower and herb garden while I’ve been here. Honestly having my friend around to talk and laugh with while hopping over puddles of muddy water, climbing trees and avoiding snakes (YES SNAKES) was what I needed.

As for the bamboo forest, it was pretty amazing. It’s definitely something so unexpected especially with the city of Atlanta in the background. We came across this guy doing a style photo shoot with his camera on self-timer. Of course my friend the photographer took over and did her thing!

The end of a friendship is not the easiest thing to deal with. I’m currently watching the process play out on an HBO show, Insecure. And I really haven’t been able to talk to anyone about this last one. It’s still a sore subject for me. Regardless, I still value all the friendships I’ve gained and lost. I look forward to future friendships and am hopeful for reconciliation with past ones.

And to everyone I have ever called friend, I apologize for any hurts and disappointment I have caused. I am not perfect, but I appreciate and care about you no matter what happens.

Your friend always,

Tambari